Wit’s End

A lot of people say I’m not a real comedian. That’s fine. I do it for my resume,” I say, with the stilted monotone of a man reading his own obituary.

I once sold out a Chicago theater at $20 a ticket, making said audience of 200 plus laugh every 12 seconds for 6 minutes. The Godfather of standup, Lenny Bruce: The definition of a comedian is making people laugh every 15 seconds since that is how often the attention span resets.

It was July 9, 2011; upon review by Funnyordie staff for the front page; they also said no comedian ever makes the front page except Aziz Ansari & Louis CK.

A turning point in my career path.

What amazes me about NeverRepeataJoke.com is that it is chronological & you can see me progress. Is repeating jokes an art?

When Tom Hanks won on Oscar for Forrest Gump; he said in his acceptance speech, “To re-create this scene right here it would take billions & billions of dollars.” Ah ha. This means LIFE IS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN FILM. Thus Never Repeating Jokes is an art.

ANYONE WITH A CAMERA (no matter what they want you to think) is trying to make money. There are 900 million users on YouTube; every second 60 hours of footage is uploaded. Case in point.

Show-business is worse than cut-throat; it’s dog eat dog. The sorry attempts of those trying to seize the success flag is akin to the adulation of the heroin addict.

HollyWould? Holly Would Do What? Isn’t the idiom, “What Would Jesus Do”? We have no boundaries; we are abstract. Belief in posthumous success is the only way, path, avenue, answer for the artist on social media.

Lenny Bruce also says, “The only honest art form is comedy.” Since Lenny Bruce, even with inflation, comics are paid the same: food, beer or anything under $50 no matter how big the audience (with 200 people spending $20 per ticket in my case).

For 2 years, my web series proves there is no money to be made unless you have sponsorship/ TV credits. Hence I recorded every show I have ever done from open mic’s to showcases to headline’s & to this day, after 50 shows, I have made $60. Let’s call it charity. I create compilations for those who don’t want to sift through.

I Never Repeat A Joke” has 880K views. Still no offers for work. No cash to be made.

I quit because I was assaulted by a tall, obese drunk woman; my lawyer says it’s not worth pursuing! I emailed Greta Van Susteran at Fox News for press the next day, among hundreds of others weekly – still to date – with no response.

I am banned from Riddles as they don’t consider me a comedian. I have been on radio shows, as my main draw is how do I have so much material / jokes? Sadly bookies started a rumor-mill that I detract from business; that my show was rubbing off on the comedy scene like mold. 100’s of Chicago comics joined the wagon to butcher me; documenting 30 pages of being slammed by the biggest names on the comedy scene.

As a comic, I try to only do PG. Laughter is more important than offending someone.


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