September 11: Day 1: I’m waken by a million construction workers outside my window, so I take the opportunity to take my grandma out shopping, spending 114.38 dinars, which is 160 American dollars.
September 12: Day 2: I hang out with an American I met the other day, named, Lynsey Stevenson; we drink bloody beers that we saw once in Jerry Maguire and sit on a bed to watch the Stephen King adaptation, Misery.
September 13: Day 3: I drink coffee, and later on red bull, giving me enough energy to revise a screenplay entitled, Disease of Time.
September 14: Day 4: I travel to the neighboring town, Sweifyeh, which is pronounced “Sofia”; here there is a Starbucks I have not yet been to, seated with adoration for hours an end.
September 15: Day 5: I go to another neighboring town, Fuheis, where my father was born and hang out with my cousin, Majid.
September 16: Day 6: Majid and I take advantage of his parents not being home, making Turkish salad and drinking 7-up with lemon juice and gin.
September 17: Day 7: Majid and I have breakfast with my cousins up the hill, who are named Yara and Xena; then later I have supper with my Aunt Siham who lives on the bottom of the hill.
September 18: Day 8: I visit my Uncle Munther’s house who enjoys whiskey and is a columnist for Jordan newspaper; I have a BBQ, and afterwards, smoke fruit cocktail tobacco from a hookah, and then finally come home.
September 19: Day 9: Today, I meet with a 36 year old writer who has self-published a novel, Ghaith Em Lawzi, and is looking for a writer to write articles for a Jordan magazine.
September 20: Day 10: Arrive at the Jordan University where I had to fulfill a college orientation which consisted of listening to the President and VP speak in a language that I don’t yet understand.
September 21: Day 11: In the middle of Gibraltar Bookshop, I argue with Rand, who I am trying to build a relationship with. Somehow it ended in me telling her that she does not deserve me. I realized not only Middle Eastern women, but women in general, are willful when it comes to testing my anger.
September 22: Day 12: I hang out with my cousin Majid, 2 guys, and 5 girls at Champions for my 2nd time, home of phenomenal cheese fries.
September 23: Day 13: I stop at a Billiards’ Pool Hall to meet my cousin and his friends, and then to Jara flea market for fresh-squeezed lemon juice.
September 24: Day 14: Today, 9/24, is my brother and dad’s birthday. I leave them voice-mails.
September 25: Day 15: I go to karaoke night @ the In-House with my cousin Diane and her best friend Limar; a Muslim doll of purr-fection. I frantically do: “I’ll Be Missing You,” by Puff Daddy.
September 26: Day 16: I submit one screenplay Disease of Time to the American Screenwriter’s Association, and then a 2nd screenplay to the Royal Film Commission, here in Jordan, entitled Appreciation Copenhagen.
September 27: Day 17: I go to Starbucks for several hours, and then came home to hang out with my cousins Carole “7”, Leen “12”, and Diane “17”.
September 28: Day 18: I take a taxi ride to Camera-House exhibition in which my cousin, Linda, sponsors with pride.
September 29: Day 19: I got a haircut plus shampoo. I was shaved “old-school” with a flat-blade razor – for 3 dinars which is $5. The rest of the day I do nothing but relax.
September 30: Day 20: I have a great conversation with this 28-year old girl, Donna, who just is a complete woman and then have another good conversation on the phone with Limar, whom I am trying to build a relationship with; afterwards I get ready for Jordan University.
October 1: Day 21: I wake up at 8:15 AM, since class starts at 9 AM “it is not so bad because the taxi ride there is scenic and a whole lot of fun”; I get there but find out class does not start until 2 more days so I drive around in a taxi spending a lot of money, eventually stopping at Starbucks to read the newest script I purchased by Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction.
October 2: Day 22: At 5:30 in the morning I experience a minor earthquake; my first one! The whole building that I was in shook like Jell-o.
October 3: Day 23: I write and write some more, spending the day at, you guessed it, Starbucks; today is also the first day of Ramadan where the 95% Muslim city of Jordan fast until sunset, so if I dare to even smoke a cigarette, eat a bagel, or drink water in the streets not only will I be yelled at by a Muslim, but I may be arrested by authority.
October 4: Day 24: Today is officially my first day of school; my teacher is a hype who goes through half of the alphabet without taking a breath. I have class 5 days a week for 4 hours; from 9 AM to 1 PM; Sunday through Thursday.
October 5: Day 25: My cousin, Basel, who is my age, plays flamingo music with his band in a bright red theater that seats 200. Afterwards, Jake, a Russian kid from class, and I walk to Champions to meet more of our classmates.
October 6: Day 26: I stay inside all day, drinking coffee and red bull, revising a 100 page story about Abraham Lincoln and his “African American lover” who convince him in changing history – a historical fiction entitled, “Abe’s Song.”
October 7: Day 27: I type all day in my lab-top at my Qualo Fuad’s house (Qualo means “uncle”); on my break, I play badminton inside the house with his 3 daughters: Diane, Leen, and Carol.
October 8: Day 28: During my third of class, I met the only woman my class who is a complete babe. She is from Greece and her name is Rispella and she is eleven years my elder, which would be equivalent to me dating an 11 year old (I am 22).
October 9: Day 29: I revise a script, Syndicate of a Family in which I do the casting myself: Oprah makes wigs. Michael Imperioli builds a hockey stadium. Omar Epps goes to France. Shannon Sossamon works for the fire department, and Robert DeNiro is obsessed with by all of his blonde-haired neighbors.
October 10: Day 30: I am in debt, so I stay in and read a fabulous script by Frank Darabont entitled Shawshank Redemption.
October 11: Day 31: I talk to the 36 year old writer again, who was chosen to be the editor of a Jordan magazine that does not yet have a name; he wants me to write 2 articles for him and edit an article! Whoopdidoo.
October 12: Day 32: In class, I have a quiz on the months, days of the week and seasons in the Arabic language; I ace it.
October 13: Day 33: I shop, and spend the day with my aunt who is considered mentally ill though it’s not her fault (when she was born, she was given a shot that broke in her vein and disabled her left hand and left leg).
October 14: Day 34: In a matter of hours, I read a screenplay, Snatch, written by Guy Ritchie; and then I had a profound conversation with my Uncle (“Umo” in Arabic) Suhail.
October 15: Day 35: I finish revising my first and favorite screenplay entitled, Genie In A Bong, which took me 2 years to write; I celebrate by smoking a cigarette wildly, dancing, and singing to Dave Matthews Band!
October 16: Day 36: I worked on a historical fiction novel about Abraham Lincoln stating that he had syphilis (it’s more beautiful of a story than one would expect).
October 17: Day 37: I watched a 4 hour Abraham Lincoln movie that, although it was not directed by Stephen Spielberg, was nothing short of amazing. I then eat lasagna and lay in bed; read a few more chapters of “Sophie’s World,” by Jostein Gaarder.
October 18: Day 38: Today is the first day of rain since the 38 days I have been here, which caused me to get into a fight over a taxi; a giant guy like a Texas Ranger. When I got home, I eat some more lasagna and read “Sophie’s World.”
October 19: Day 39: In a philosophical mood, maybe because of Sophie’s World, or just for the plain adoration for philosophy, I start writing a new screenplay entitled, The Nervous Person; I’m going to make an adaptation of “Sophie’s World.”
October 20: Day 40: Being in a third world country, I view new releases, about 6 months in delay from when it comes out in America; I share the story of my sex life to my cousin Basel, including all of the odd instances; may be personal disparage. He did so too, feeling the need to lie to me, saying he had a 3-some last NYE, and had sex with a girl so hard that his penis started bleeding; and also that he lost his virginity at 14 yrs old.
October 21: Day 41: I am pleased, actually fascinated, by the storyline and acting by the actors and actresses in House of Wax and The Island.
October 22: Day 42: After school, I drink a red bull and ate ketchup-flavored chips, then wrote like a madman for hours on end; my 2 breaks consist of calling my mom and then watching re-runs of, “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
October 23: Day 43: I skip school. I take the chance to walk to my cousin’s to pick up 2 grocery bags full of goods from America. For dinner, I ate green beans and rice (known here as “foosoolia”).
October 24: Day 44: So I finish reading Sophie’s World (too much goddamn dialogue); the ending was the best part. I then pick up a new book by John Updike which is entitled Americans, full of great oil paintings.
October 25: Day 45: I drove with my cousin to the barbers, who end up snipping his ear with scissors! I drank skim milk which I was later to find out that it was expired, giving me raucous diarrhea later that night; then we drive to the mall, where I buy a green cotton belt, 3 pens, and a cd by a famous Lebanese singer, Hayfeh Wahbeh (I hated it).
October 26: Day 46: I rip out a page from Premiere magazine, with a picture of Kirsten Dunst, giving it to this girl in my class, Opal, who looks like her; then I have a great conversation with her but I doubt that a relationship will come out of it – only a friendship – which will do the deed.
October 27: Day 47: I drink a lot of coffee and eat strawberry biscuits, watching a Coldplay dvd, and then resume to groom through a novella I once wrote entitled “Maggie & Chirn” in which I recently changed the title to “Sex & Business Moves.” It is about 2 young adults traveling to Hollywood, losing their minds, but at the end, end up in each other’s arms!
October 28: Day 48: I walk to the theatre (they call it “cinema” here) to view back-to-back fascinating films: Birth with Nicole Kidman falling in love with a 10 yr old boy, as well as The Dukes of Hazzard with Sean William Scott, Willie Nelson, Johnny Knoxville and .. wait for it .. Jessica Simpson.
October 29: Day 49: I finish reading the historical book of portraiture’s entitled, Americans; I am now starting to read another screenplay, “Streetcar Named Desire” which made the young Marlon Brando famous.
October 30: Day 50: I finish “Streetcar Named Desire” and now I am reading the novella by F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Great Gatsby.”
October 31: Day 51: Today, Tuesday, October 3lst, marks the final day of Ramadan, and tomorrow is a Muslim holiday, Eid Iftar (which in English translates into holiday feast). This is great news because tomorrow Starbucks re-opens from 7 AM to 12 PM.
November 1: Day 52: I finish reading the novella, “The Great Gatsby,” and the only criticism I hold on the story is that it is too short; I also eat 4 steaks today because my grandma made me.
November 2: Day 53: I smoke a few Marlboro Ultra Lights, resume revising “Sex & Business Moves” up to page 260, and began reading a collection of short stories by Stephen King entitled, “Everything’s Eventual.”
November 3: Day 54: I get in a fight with my cousin telling her that I would feel too guilty to engage in another “BBQ,” since I do this every Friday, but she insists her mom would feel bad unless I ate with them, so I do; I also shop with my Uncle Suhail for the first time, borrowing 1 dinar, and afterwards, I read a few chapters in “Everything’s Eventual,” and even type a few more chapters, in “Sex & Business Moves.”
November 4: Day 55: I walk to an office supply store at the 3rd circle, and then I take a taxi-cab to Starbucks copying all of the details from a JC Penney’s catalogue to help me be more detailed.
November 5: Day 56: I indulge in a long car ride after school knowing the taxi driver took a different way home to make money.
November 6: Day 57: Skipped school; start a film diary and another dream diary.
November 7: Day 58: Drove to the university with my cousin Linda, listening to DMB (“Typical Situation”), and, then after my 4 hour class I went out with my cousin Dareen; I buy a R.L. Stine novella ““The Barking Ghost” as well as “Little Women” one for me, one for my aunt, and for Dareen since it is her 28th birthday” along with “The Alchemist” by Paul Coelho.
November 8: Day 59: Traffic has become oppressive due to 3 hotel bombings that took place in the Hyatt, The Days Inn, and The Radisson Inn during a wedding; allegedly planned by the Al Qaieda.
November 9: Day 60: The mad-typist, which is what my friend calls me back at home, completes his 2nd novel – making my way up to page 320 in, “Sex & Business Moves.”
November 10: Day 61: I read and reply to 8 emails as well as finish the R.L. Stine Goosebumps novella in my 3rd sitting! Now I start Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “100 Years of Solitude.”
November 11: Day 62: I walk to Kanabaye, scrolling through a JC Penney catalogue for details in which I am on page 1040 out of 1350; I also nap like a baby, submit a comedy screenplay to Cinequest Genie In A Bong and romance screenplay to the American Film Renaissance Finding Elizabeth Manity, and then watch the hilarious 40 Year Old Virgin twice.
November 12: Day 63: Today is King Abdullah’s birthday. I have the day off, so I go to Starbucks to write, then back to my place. I smoke cigarettes, reading “100 Years of Solitude” naked.
November 13: Day 64: I have a half day of class because of a demonstration being held due to the November 8th bombings; afterwards I’m approached by a Muslim woman, named Button, wearing a long cloak (“abaya”) and a veil (“niqab”) – her face is strikingly gorgeous!
November 14: Day 65: I went to class in which the student attendance has decreased by 50%. During break, a Muslim girl read me some of her poetry; it was romantic.
November 15: Day 66: Skip school. In the evening I call my grandmother back in Illinois.
November 16: Day 67: Went to my Arabic course, during the ride I called the taxi driver “pretty,” and the reason why is because it was weird and I acted on the weirdness inevitably being the loser but finding joy within myself afterwards acknowledging that I called a hairy wildebeast, “pretty.” Then I made 11 little peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to bring back to the Language Center “where my classes are held” to celebrate another Ramadan feast; afterwards, I finish reading “100 Years of Solitude.” My criticism is that it’s too emotional.
November 17: Day 68: I eat lasagna with my cousin Hazem; I also revise a crime screenplay about a mafia boss who calls his shots in jail, bossing around 2 fat guys who lack composure Fat Tooth & Babyfood; Babyfood releases the passive aggression by raping a therapist whereas Fat Tooth eats mushrooms and enjoys tripping.
November 18: Day 69: After going to Starbucks and drinking a grande toffee latté, my brother calls and we talk about marriage and having children; I also finally finish scrolling through the 1357 pages of a JC Penney Catalogue!
November 19: Day 70: I go to my Arabic course at the University and for the first time my teacher comes off as being attractive; after, I go to a job interview for Jordan Today Magazine, and even submit some of my work, but the editorial manager was not there to meet with me.
November 20: Day 71: I eat dinner with my cousins, watch Japanimation, and try to entertain my one-year old cousin, Issa, by allowing him to hang out on my bed where he drools and does whatever he wants. I try to understand how babies function; I learn that if you look at them, and they look at you, they feel the instinct to want to move.
November 21: Day 72: I begin to read “Little Women” by Louisa M. Alcott; I even skip the second half of Arabic level 1 class to read thirty pages of it!
November 22: Day 73: I make sure I woke up this morning to go to school although I did not do my homework; anyway, I want to make it one whole week without skipping a day if that is humanly possible.
November 23: Day 74: During class I realized my teacher resembles a donkey although she is sexy somehow. After class I played soccer for forty minutes and then celebrate a friend’s 21st birthday party, engaging in 6 hours of conversation!
November 24: Day 75: I went to school all dressed up in a nougat long-sleeve shirt, dark denim jeans, a brown belt with a rectangular belt buckle, as well as brown dress shoes; celebrated my 100th day of being here by going to Star Donuts in the Abdoun circle and buying fifteen donuts and a gallon of milk. I got to enjoy 3 and a half of them while watching clips of Any Given Sunday.
November 25: Day 76: I finish reading the novel “Little Women,” laying on my bed in my blue bedroom and eating rice pudding; I’m captivated by the ongoing personality of the novel.
November 26: Day 77: With thirteen books in my suitcase, 7 revised screenplays, and one completed novel, I have nothing else to do except resume a 1000+ page compilation of philosophers including Nietzsche, Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Plato, etc.; entitled, “Classics of Moral and Political Theory.”
November 27: Day 78: Went to school today, sat on my ass and indulged in the teacher, Basma, for the first 2 hours, and then dreaded the next 2 hours, taught by Effnon: a girl that does not seem to be a fan of showering. The object of my ridicule.
November 28: Day 79: Today I go to school only to give a presentation; afterwards, for the second half of class, I buy my grandmother Marlboro reds and lay down to nurse a headache.
November 29: Day 80: Instead of going to class to learn the Arabic alphabet, I lay on my bed.
November 30: Day 81: I go to class to review for my exam; after class, I watch soccer for about an hour and then go home to write 20 pages in a novel which is 1/7 completed; entitled, “Why Marry The Muslim.”
December 1: Day 82: I take my grandmother shopping for the 2nd time. She bosses me around to no end, in each aisle, throwing items in the cart from the left and right – it isn’t too bad since the ladies were checking me out; feeling for me.
December 2: Day 83: I eat 6 Snickers today and then afterwards feast on a B-B-Q, when, I know it should have been the other way around; nevertheless, in the evening, I walk to the cinema to see “4 Brothers,” in which I’m pleasantly surprised – by the acting.
December 3: Day 84: I take my final exam and am the first to finish; afterwards I discover that after the exam in the Middle East you are supposed to stay for the next part of class!
December 4: Day 85: I skip school today and read 70 long pages in “Classics of Moral and Political Theory;” I also take out the light bulbs in my room; darkness makes you feel at one with night sky.
December 5: Day 86: I go to class today and got an F on my exam! I am also told that if I skip one more class I’ll be dropped a grade.
December 6: Day 87: I went to class and then went to the library. I type for 2 hours, standing up, organizing ideas and getting further into my newest novel, “Why Marry The Muslim;” afterwards I eat beef, yogurt and rice at my aunt’s, and then read.
December 7: Day 88: After school, I take a taxi cab to the Abdoun Mall, walk straight into the first store and buy my cousin Linda a watermelon-colored Adidas jacket for 50 bucks; I try to talk the salesman into writing stories; we agreed to disagree.
December 8: Day 89: I’m reading 35 pages a day in the “Classics of Moral and Political Theory;” in order for me to finish by Christmas time; I ask Santa Claus for the series by J.K. Rowling, known as “Harry Potter,” as well as the novel “Great Expectations,” by Charles Dickens.
December 9: Day 90: My grandmother makes it her opportunity to invite 5 different families over, to eat the stomach of a cow “known as haggis”; each stomach is sewn with lining, so the inside of chicken and rice will differ in flavor – more of a foot-tasting flavor “not good”.
December 10: Day 91: Today I spend the majority of the day in Starbucks, switching seats from comfortable cushion chairs to solid pine table chairs. I revise, add, groom and stretch parts of, “Why Marry The Muslim;” I’m now halfway done!
December 11: Day 92: I realized today the importance of standing up, and how sensitive I get sitting on my bottom all of the time, so I stand up for the half-hour in between my 2 Arabic classes, and then after class I stand up for 2 hours in the library, adding into one document, all the complex words I have learned from “Classics of Moral and Political Theory.”
December 12: Day 93: I go to school, and then take an after school nap; at 8 o’clock I watch Oprah in which I have been putting into my schedule every night, and after Oprah I talk with my Uncle Ziad.
December 13: Day 94: I talk to my father on the phone, and regrettably state, “…Why can’t I use your money now instead of using it as inheritance!” I was motivated in saying this because of an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” I saw. Stupid me.
December 14: Day 95: I go to class and afterwards, at one o’clock, fifty students sit down and enthrall in a guest speaker from Islam who talks about women’s rights that have been effected by incest; my only comment, or critique, I have is that it was too intense and powerful.
December 15: Day 96: Today our classes joined with the other level 1 classes and for 4 hours all we did is introduce ourselves. We ask questions like reporters would ask questions and successfully talk in Arabic with each other.
December 16: Day 97: I walk to the movie theater at 3pm to watch King Kong and did not get out until 6:40; afterwards I drive to the airport and picked up a suitcase from my cousin, that my mom had sent me filled with Christmas presents, beef jerky, and the novel “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens.
December 17: Day 98: I take a stroll with my cousin Diane, and then watch a Johnny Depp movie with her.
December 18: Day 99: I chat with a taxi-driver about his being a little on the obese side and he said it was only over the past year that he started to gain w8; with this in mind I ate 3 snickers today, 4 pieces of pizza, and 3 boxes of chocolate raisins. Even my cousin Linda said that she can notice me getting fatter (maybe by the end of the year I’ll be fat which is the plan, might I add).
December 19: Day 100: I skip school “again”; I take a ride to Mecca Mall to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which was frightening. After I went to another theater to watch Oliver Twist; the only negative remark is that there was not even one black person in it! I wanted to watch 3 movies but when I went to the allotted scheduling of the Empire of the Wolves, they would not let me in.
December 20: Day 101: Today, I chilled at a café, skip Oprah and instead went to watch my favorite french actor Jean Reno, in Empire of the Wolves.
December 21: Day 102: I went to school to turn in my homework, and then sit on my ass; at break, I revise a pending novel, “Superstition,” and for the next part of class I sit on my ass; after class I smoke a cigarette and sang John Mayer laying on my bed, and then read “Classics of Moral and Political Theory.”
December 22: Day 103: I ran into Batool “I always thought her name was Button”; we talked about this website, www.tig.com, and also discussed going to lunch sometime, and although she is 18, I see a future friendship in the making.
December 23: Day 104: With nothing to do all day, I read up on the “Classics of Moral and Political Theory.” My favorite by far is Jean-Paul Sartre.
December 24: Day 105: There is a Christmas Eve party; I opened my presents, discovered 4 books “2 Harry Potter”, along with thin mesh pants.
December 25: Day 106: I talk with my family who just happened to open gifts in America “since there’s a nine hour time-difference”. I sit down at the kitchen table and listen in. They even got me Christmas presents that I couldn’t open; how cute.
December 26: Day 107: Went to class. We have a few new students in class, very intriguing students – one guy is from Turkey, another guy is from Peru, there is one pretty girl, one girl has a giant afro of dark hair, and one Muslim girl.
December 27: Day 108: Went to class; during break, I revise a chapter in the novel “Superstition.” At night I drank whiskey and 7up.
December 28: Day 109: Skipped class today because as I looked in the mirror this morning I noticed I had ten new pimples on both sides of my face.
December 29: Day 110: Went to class and almost got in a fight with this Turkish guy because he was mocking the language of Chinese people – I pushed him and he backed down. Just like that.
December 30: Day 111: I spend the night at Qualo Fuad and Auntie Ekhlas; they have 3 daughters and one son. During the day I revise a war screenplay about the “Dark Rebels,” a Grand Wizard, and the KKK, entitled Invincible.
December 31: Day 112: For NYE, we go to a large restaurant that was cleared out and filled with rectangular lunch tables; there were about 400 guests. Half of them smoking and drinking Johnnie Walker Red Label, the other half dancing.
January 1: Day 113: Starting at 11 AM I lay on my mattress, and at 4 PM I took a shower; afterwards I drank coffee, read John Stuart Mill, and then did some typing on my laptop.
January 2: Day 114: I had class today; afterwards I went to my relative’s to watch a show about transvestites on Oprah and decided that will be the last time I watch her show.
January 3: Day 115: I went to class today and afterwards read about Cannibals, and learned that rabbits, mice, hamsters, will eat their own family if they are constantly threatened by a predator, and I also read about Hannibal and learned he was just a militant dude who rode on an elephant.
January 4: Day 116: I went to class and am beginning to take a liking in the new students in class. They have replaced the 4teen students who have dropped out; a girl with an afro is so desperate that I’m actually attracted to her, more than the pretty girl. Explain that to me.
January 5: Day 117: I went to class with assiduity, knowing that after class I am free for an 8 day Muslim holiday, therefore I celebrate by getting drunk and eating cheese fries, smoking a cigarette and going to sleep; when I awake I go to the cinema to watch Flightplan, and found it extra-ordinary.
January 6: Day 118: I wake up and have a Snickers, afterwards I drink coffee and type for 6 hours, then I eat 1/4 of a fish stuffed with parsley and some Pepsi, and then I go to the cinema, once again, this time to watch Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire.
January 7: Day 119: I walk to the cinema and watch Fun With Dick & Jane; as I walk home in the pouring rain, a teenager pulled over in a taxi-cab, asking me for change; ended up robbing me of 17 dollars! I finish my third novel entitled, “Superstition;” although it is finished it is not complete – it needs to be revised one more time.
January 8: Day 120: I talk to my sister, telling her a dream that I had, and then I talk to her boyfriend who tells me about how they were jumped, and punched in the face, the previous night, and then I talk to my brother who just received, and was playing, the X-Box 360.
January 9: Day 121: I eat a slab of lasagna during the afternoon, and then I collect and write a personal quote for every day of the 12 months, print them out, cut them in squares, punch holes in them, and create a make-shift calendar entitled, “Tidbits.” In the evening I go out with my cousin Basel to play foosball and watch other young adults play, “Battle-field,” a computer game.
January 10: Day 122: I type for 2 hours within the seating arrangement of Century Cinema’s, in which during, I call my cousin Diane so we could watch Chronicles of Narnia together which was amazingly fantastic, but my cousin Diane had a difference of opinion. I spend the night at her house and on the way into her building we come face to face with the head of a lamb that had been sacrificed (Muslim law).
January 11: Day 123: I came back to the building I am staying in with Diane’s parents, Fuad and Ekhlas, and their youngest daughter, Carol, and youngest son, Issa; I then take a freezing cold shower and fall asleep at 10 PM.
January 12: Day 124: In the morning I go out for a short run. On and off all day, I sleep and type, sleep and type, hanging out mainly in my room but visiting downstairs a single time to see my cousins indulge in the television show, “Lost,” then after finishing “Classics of Moral and Political Theory,” I drink Grand Marnier with Pepsi, eat peppered beef jerky, and watch Half-Baked.
January 13: Day 125: I wake up early and read the short poetic story, “The Prophet,” written by Khalil Gibran; I talk to a dear friend of mine, Limar, and knowing that I have school tomorrow, I drink Grand Marnier with Pepsi, then go to watch the 11:15 PM show, Saw II.
January 14: Day 126: After class, I send text messages (a poem) to Limar, I watch one hour of television, reading 40 pages of a Charles Dickens novel, “Great Expectations,” and then I check 16 emails on the internet.
January 15: Day 127: I go to class, talk to my mother and father on the telephone, and read 40 mores pages in “Great Expectations.”
January 16: Day 128: I go to class, check my emails, drink coffee with Bailey’s Irish Cream, and then read 40 pages in the Charles Dicken’s novel, “Great Expectations.”
January 17: Day 129: I skipped class today, since I woke up an hour late; instead hung out with family, read 40 pages in “Great Expectations,” and did some Arabic homework; most of the day I was in my room.
January 18: Day 130: I went to class, during break I had a smoke whilst listening to DMB; afterwards I threw the DMB cd out since the drummer came off as too obnoxious. In the afternoon, I ate fish, went for an interview in the IBCC building in Jabal Amman, to meet with Alia, the editor for Skin magazine – if I get the job as a freelance writer, will be sold in 5 different countries – then, to celebrate, I brought a bottle of Sir Edward’s Whiskey and drank myself to sleep.
January 19: Day 131: Since so many students have dropped out of the Arabic language course, there are now classes combined into what was once one class, one of whom I could swear to myself is a drug addict; after class, I stayed in the building, read “Great Expectations,” for an hour and then went on the internet – when I came home I was represented with a new maid in the household, of whom I don’t know.
January 20: Day 132: My cousins, Linda and, her brother, Basil, and I went downtown to do some shoe shopping, where I purchased a pair of black suede dress shoes, and during the second shoe store I stayed outside and stared at the hundreds and hundreds of Middle Easterners doing their thing. Afterwards I ate fast food, visited with the friend of my other cousin, Dareen, and called my mother.
January 21: Day 133: I drank a glass of whiskey and pop in the morning, then revised 4 chapters in the fifth up and coming novel, “Why Marry The Muslim. After I drank coffee with chocolate chip cookies, I helped Qualto Diana put away the Christmas tree and decor.
January 22: Day 134: I go to school today, and I wanted desperately to tell this Peruvian kid, Ahmer, that I dreamt about him sitting next to me, on the sink, in the bathroom where I was excreting, but I held back. After class I read for an hour waiting for my cousin, and then I eat a few Snicker’s bars in the evening.
January 23: Day 135: After class, I take taxi-cab to the cinema to watch the Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo film, Just Like Heaven; I was surprised, pleasantly surprised, as I come to conclusion that this romance film was the best movie I have seen since I’ve been here. “And I’ve seen about fifty of the 2006/ Winter releases!”
January 24: Day 136: I have the day off school today so I could study verb tenses, opposites of the verbs, writing, grammar along with comprehension. To reward myself of the extraneous studying, I watch Tommy Boy, and drink and then pass out, only to wake up in the afternoon to study more!
January 25: Day 137: I had my last Arabic level 1 course today, where I was the second student finished, and then after we took a class picture and then I had to go and pay for another semester at the Univ of Jordan; in the evening I went to 2 book stores to buy Dostoyevsky’s “Crime and Punishment” along with a short non-fiction book, “House of Obedience,” about Arab women.
January 26: Day 138: I replace the kerosene tank of my furnace, which is 4 dinars, pay 40 dinars for the phone bill, spend 22 dinars on 2 more books from the Jordan Centre bookstore, which are the “Animal Encyclopedia,” and one book by Vladimir Nabokov. In the evening I speak to both of my parents and then watch Catch Me If You Can.
January 27: Day 139: In the words of Ice Cube, “today was a good day.” I finished the novella I purchased, House of Obedience, and began to copy the underlined sentences, or “notes,” that I took throughout, and prior to typing the underlined sentences I spoke to a girl I am infatuated with, Limar; I also went for a walk to a small store with my Qualto Amal.
January 28: Day 140: I made some eggs and then went outside to have a cigarette; I felt like standing up some more, so I read 2 hours “or forty pages” of “Crime & Punishment,” and then went outside for another cigarette, and then came inside to watch Sidney Poitier in Raisin in the Sun!
January 29: Day 141: I read some “Crime & Punishment; then I fall asleep, wake up again, spend time with my cousins – boring day.
January 30: Day 142: I wake up at 10:30 AM, I make eggs again, with cheese on top, eat them standing up, and then for half hour watch BBC World News, and then I go out to buy bottles #8 and #9 of Sir Edward’s whiskey; I begin drinking – I drink 4 glasses, along with 7-Up, to wash down the zinc aftertaste, and eat pizza-flavored chips and watch Training Day.
January 31: Day 143: I call my sister but she doesn’t pick up her phone, and in the afternoon, I make a special meal, since I’ve been in the cooking mood lately, which is packaged salmon topped with tabasco sauce, along with fried meat slices, and then in the evening I hang out with 3 Russian girls, 7, 10, and 18 years old, my neighbors. My parents call but I decide not to talk to them because I was too engulfed in the novel “Crime & Punishment.” For the rest of the day I either watch Star Academy or check my emails.
February 1: Day 144: Today, I take a taxi-cab to the library but leave the library once I realize it is much too noisy; I look for a girl whom I am supposed to meet but she stood me up, so I go home, make salmon and fried meat, get drunk, watch Gigli and fall asleep.
February 2: Day145: As I live my 145th day here in Jordan, I get the feeling for the first time that I fit in, which hit me when I used the guest washroom, and realized it doesn’t make noise, and wouldn’t wake up my grandmother in the night! Also today I got drunk, drinking 2 glasses of whiskey and pop, and ate crackers, gave my cousin a jacket, a winter hat, mesh pants, and a sock to sew the holes; I watched my Uncle who has this thing against “feeling pretty” eat his lunch, and I talked to my sister from 2 AM to 3 AM.
February 3: Day 146: I make a plate of eggs topped with mozzarella cheese and round slices of bacon for my Khalto Amal, and then one plate for me; I get drunk, run out of whiskey, go buy more and then get more drunk, watching one of my DVD’s Training Day and standing up, eating pizza tortilla chips.
February 4: Day 147: I watch Star Academy and BBC World, then I talk to my brother in the evening for over an hour about how we spend our day, and if I were to reach 320 pages of diary, it could become a novel.
February 5: Day 148: In the morning, I get picked up by Khalo Fuad and we go to the inner city, to get a Jordanian passport; at his home I skim through a binder of notes, read, “Crime & Punishment, and talked to my mother, briefly. At night me, his wife, and their eldest daughter watched a poor Mira Sorvino movie, but it was OK since I was tipsy off squeezed lemon juice and vodka.
February 6: Day 149: I come home at 8 in the morning, drink a red bull and revise 20 pages of a pending novel ““Why Marry The Muslim”“, and in the evening I drink my habitual glass of whiskey and pop and watch the Irish film, Boondock Saints; I haven’t been to the movie theater in 2 weeks
February 7: Day 150: All day is spent down on the 2nd floor downloading Bone Thugs and Harmony, and Mariah Carey, “Always Be My Baby,” and then in the afternoon I watch Star Academy, and then I get drunk, watching Fight Club, pass out, and then wake up to put closure to my fifth novel, “Why Marry The Muslim.”
February 8: Day 151: In the morning, I download the songs, “Creep” by Radiohead, and “Popular,” by Nada Surf, and in the afternoon, I make 2 bologna and ranch sandwiches, and then take a ride to visit an unknown uncle who had passed away. The grave-site was spectacular in a very gloomy way – much different than the burial rituals in America. For instance, the caskets are above ground, and afterwards everyone enters a wigwam, or large teepee, and eats together. Even beforehand, everyone compiles outside the street of his home and cries together”.
February 9: Day 152: In the morning I make the traditional breakfast for my cousin and me, and then I watch the Golden Globes, all the way through, compelled not to flip the channel or take my eyes of the screen, and then I make a pb and j sandwich for my grandma and me. In the evening, I converse with my Uncle Yanal, in America, for 40 minutes.
February 10: Day 153: I travel again to the neighboring town of Fuheis to visit my Uncle Munem, Uncle Muneer, my Aunt Siham, and my other Aunt Siham, as well as cousins that are my age; they sit and watch Hitch as I read “Crime and Punishment,” outside, among the scenic landscape.
February 11: Day 154: I drink a glass of whiskey and Mountain Dew, watch “Matrix,” and in the evening I watch television, Star Academy, with my Aunt, Grandma, maid and 2 female cousins, consuming, oddly, breakfast again. At midnight I finish the novel “Crime and Punishment,” and take out, “Lolita,” another Russian novelist, Vladimir Nabokov.
February 12: Day 155: I start the 2nd semester of the Arabic language, in which there are 18 students from all over the map “or globe” and then, after class I watch Something About Mary 4x in a row. I am trying to memorize the lines whilst typing in the notes I had highlighted from “Crime and Punishment.”
February 13: Day 156: I stay from 3 AM until I start class, calling my old friend Elizabeth; I have class 5 hours afterwards
February 14: Day 157: I watch Something About Mary 4x in a row.
February 15: Day 158: I watch Something About Mary 3x in a row; at 10 at night, I call a friend of mine, Alexandra, who apparently, after having sex one time, had given birth to A.J., a baby boy.
February 16: Day 159: During the half hour of class, I highlight notes about iron veins, coal mining, alligators, the Mauser, that I had printed off the grand Wikipedia.Org. Once I get home, I then copy them into my laptop; in the evening, I watch Groundhog Day with the director, Harold Ramis, commentary.
February 17: Day 160: I watch Groundhog Day twice, and in the afternoon, I watch “Alias” for my first time, buy 2 glass bottles of whiskey, and make eggs matted with cheese, ham, and pita bread along with Red Bull.
February 18: Day 161: I went to class this morning and during break I revise 5 pages of the 320 pages of Superstition – some kids see the book, and give a climactic expression, which if it happens again, I might blow my top because writing a book is the easiest thing in the world. After class I purchase “Runaway Jury,” and revise 30 more pages into my ensemble screenplay entitled, Impermeable Kills.
February 19: Day 162: I went to class in the morning although I haven’t showered in 3 days, revised 5 pages, and ironically 2 fat girls kept eyeing my during class; I think they are falling for me. After class I hang out with my cousin Basel, buying hotdogs and chicken patties, bbq’ing them, and drinking water outside on the verandah til midnight.
February 20: Day 163: I wake up at 7 in the morning to do some typing and reading, bringing with me to class Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita,” and read it during free time in class in which my teacher mentioned that he saw the movie. Also revise 5 more pages, and I also learned that there’s only been one Arab writer who was won the Nobel Prize. In the evening I have a lovely chat with my parents, carrying out the superstition if requiring myself to look up at the sky whilst talking to them “weird, I guess”.
February 21: Day 164: We have a completely different teacher today, and at first I could not get out of my head how much he reminds me of a co-worker of mine, but this guy has more testosterone; he actually reminds me of someone else but I have to take another look at him before placing him.
February 22: Day 165: I go to the university with my cousin Basel, during the half hour break I again revise 5 more pages of Superstition. I am getting to know my classmates. After class my aunt does my homework.
February 23: Day 166: I take a taxi-ride to school with some slap-happy taxi-driver; today is the last class of the week, so afterwards I walk to the square, to read “Lolita” amongst a thousand eyes [and fortunately I finish the novel at midnight]. Not before being ripped off on the taxi-ride home, failing to give me my full change. I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
February 24: Day 167: There is a BBQ at my Umo Suhail so I hang out there, on my cousin’s bed, reading 154 pages, the first half of “Harry Potter!” I finish revising my 9th screenplay, Impermeable Kills, and go onto my 10th, Highschool.
February 25: Day 168: I only sleep for like 2 hours; at 5 I watch the sunrise, at 7 I go out running and then do 50 push-ups and 150 crunches, at 8 vacuum my room, at 9 shower, at 10 go outside and pick up 2-hundred fifty cigarette butts. At 11 then fry 2 eggs and bologna, and then spend my afternoon at a bookstore, purchasing “Last of the Mohicans,” and then drink coffee, eat my grandma’s turkey with more relatives, and finish “Harry Potter” – volume 1.
February 26: Day 169: I finish the 2nd book in the series within 24 hours. I do an hour of homework, and travel to 2 bookshops to buy “Prisoner of Azakaban,” as well as “The Beginning & The End” “by the only Arab writer who has won the Nobel Prize”.
February 27: Day 170: At class I gave a speech over a cassette tape that the class had to listen to – I was Martin, and the woman I chose played Ahmed. In Arabic I talked about soup, Kenya, and things that weren’t heard on the cassette tape, slightly being a made fool of, but the rest of the day went well, drinking coffee, resting, looking over pictures of my family, and typing “or writing”.
February 28: Day 171: I stand up for 2 and a half hours with my arms to my side since I notice my butt protrudes (maybe due to 18 years of sitting down at class?). I am working on my body so eventually I will be able to sleep without sleeping on my arms. A superstition grown being ambidextrous, and being a writer, perhaps?
March 1: Day 172: During class, for the majority of it, my neck is bent and I stare at my desk, listening to the teacher’s voice which is very attractive as long as you don’t look at her while she speaks. After class I brought my Aunt scallops: because the night prior she said she was mad at me when I asked her, “Why do you make so much noise?”
March 2: Day 173: During class, my legs extend onto my backpack, which I saw once on television when I was a boy; after class, I finish “Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets,” and begin the third volume, “Prisoner of Azkaban,” amidst typing, revising and resting.
March 3: Day 174: Having no school, I stand up throughout the day except for about 30-35 minutes watching Star Academy; also I did not drink coffee today, nor eat Snickers.
March 4: Day 175: I stand up through the day including 48 minutes straight, of looking myself in the mirror, while I revise 60 pages of my novel about Hollywood, drinking 2 cups of coffee, shopping for my expensive maintenance at only 11 JD’s, and in the evening, after 10 PM when phone calls are 2-cents-a-minute. I call my Irish friend Tim from Jr. High, my parents, my best friend in college Alice, and also my grandparents.
March 5: Day 176: After class today, I go to the Jordan Centre Bookstore to buy Harry Potter volume 4 and volume 5, with not enough to buy the 6th. I download Bob Marley, “Could This Be Love,” and Rolling Stone’s, “Angie,” call my only cordial Aunt Linda, and stay up until 3 in the morning revising things!
March 6: Day 177: Woke up early to do an hour of revising, stepped into class about ten minutes late, revised a chapter in my novel “Superstition,” and then had the second half of class; after class, I tried to get a taxi-ride to a liquor store but the 2x I asked the taxi-driver if they knew where one was, they told me to get out of the car. No joke.
March 7: Day 178: I take a nap immediately after class; I print a few pages, download “Could This Be Love” by Bob Marley, I call my Aunt Linda and my friend Alice twice, who told me to call her but wouldn’t pick up, and then went to bed, early.
March 8: Day 179: Getting angry at the maid, I slam the front door in her face – I am sick of her not flushing the toilet. I am sick of her eyeing me with a gruesome unkind stare. I am sick of her calling my grandma “Momma” and saying “Poppa” although her parents are in Sri Lanka and I am sick of the only thing she is able to share with me – noise; I still get reading, writing done, and before I fall asleep at night. I talk to my mother for like an hour.
March 9: Day 180: I spent the night at my aunt and uncles, so in the morning my aunt drove me to school, since she works as a secretary for the univ; amid class, my friend Lynsey, sneezed 14x in a row, during class “she was obviously very sick with a Kleenex box prepped on her lap” and also during class I had my first speech in front of the class, which breezed by; and after class in the taxi-cab I finished “Prizoner of Azkaban” – Harry Potter volume 3.
March 10: Day 181: Twice today I cook eggs over fried cheese, drink caffeinated liquids (coffee or red bull), with pita bread and ham circles; the rest of the day I rest, read “Goblet of Fire,” mostly revised a bunch of stories or screenplays that need revising. I know I’m a freak. And stood in the evening for 45 minutes.
March 11: Day 182: I took a taxi-cab out of Jordan, to Fuheis, to the “Horse” Circle where my cousin and Aunt picked me up; at their domicile, I meet with my Uncle from America, named Yanal who, if you call Urinal, he will fight you, without hesitation; he brought me 8 books including “People’s History of the United States” and “Rosencratz and Guildenstern” are dead.
March 12: Day 183: In the morning, I go to school on a bus, for my first time, and after class I take the bus back to the home in Fuheis “which is more like a mansion than a home”, hanging out with my Uncle for another night, eating mango’s and reading “Goblet of Fire” “750 + pages”.
March 13: Day 184: I go to class with 3 bags “book bag, lap top case, and suitcase full of books from America”; after class I finish the screenplay “A Mosquito Called Kupid and A Pig Named Passion,” and revise “Highschool” changing the name into “Krystal Loves Ramsey.”
March 14: Day 185: Skipped school, stayed in, drank a 40 oz. Amstel and ate sweet and spicy beef jerky, watching Curb Your Enthusiasm season 1, and then revised “This Guy Who Didn’t Shower For A Year.” In the evening, I stand up in front of the mirror for 42 minutes.
March 15: Day 186: The first half class went by as expected, during the second half the teacher was tearing away at my tolerance for noise – very sharp – when I learned that breathing on my hand was one to defeat her “it even gave me the visual of me battling her with a sword in hand”; in the night, I stood up in front of the mirror for 48 minutes.
March 16: Day 187: I went to class with 3 bags, just like on Sunday, on which afterwards I went to the library until my cousin was done with his 2pm lecture; we travel to Fuheis, I get together with family, and when it became too upsetting, I did homework or revised a chapter in “Superstition.”
March 17: Day 188: Read 200 pages in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” consumed a popular Arab dish mensef and then a popular candy halloum; after which I revised the 3rd screenplay I ever wrote, a romantic comedy, Nad & Dan.
March 18: Day 189: Read 200 more pages in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” next on the list is “Order of the Phoenix.” In the afternoon I traveled with my neighbors to an elderly home, eating caramels, touring the treatment and facility, chatting, and then for an hour I stood out the doorway staring at the alabaster white housing, rocky hills, poverty-stricken shops, ragged people – the beauty of time.
March 19: Day 190: Feeling foolish, I went to class with 3 book-bags AGAIN, misplacing my $2 bill bookmark, my red pen, and a clicking pencil; after class, I started on a new book, “The Beginning And The End,” which started out very repetitive but is quickly growing on me.
March 20: Day 191: After class, I stayed in my room all afternoon, revising “Superstition,” and falling asleep at 10 PM. I am getting used to living with my handicapped Aunt Emel, but one complaint is that, since she doesn’t have control of the motor skills of her left hand, she squeezes my shampoo bottle so when I open the flap and tilt it, air shoots out, shooting out a handful of shampoo, thus I give it 6 more uses until my brand new shampoo is empty.
March 21: Day 192: I went to class sporting a new back-pack that keeps put at my side and makes my back feel good for some reason. I enjoyed the voice of this teacher, in which I still do not know her name and after class I went to the Abaila Supermarket, and then to the 2nd floor of my building to check 43 emails, and download “Black Dog,” by Led Zeppelin and “What If God Was One Of Us,” by Joan Osbourne (there’s a name for you).
March 22: Day 193: I skipped school “for the 2nd time this semester” however at 4:30 PM I went to an outing at the Language Center, frying ten pieces of bologna, in which only 2 people were urged to taste. In the evening, I finished watching Blow, in front of my mirror, where I would tell myself “I love Johnny Depp” and laugh. During the intercessions I drank grape juice and whiskey.
March 23: Day 194: During class, I watched a movie in which I counted down the seconds for the light to turn on and the teacher to send me on my way! After class I stood in front of the mirror for 2 hours!
March 24: Day 195: At 3:30 in the morning, I rewrite my Arabic notebook, and then finished an Arabic novel, “The Beginning and The End,” and in the afternoon I take a 5 hour ride to Aqaba, spending $105 which is 75 din, or dinars. I hope it’ll be worth it. The best part of the night is the 2 free cups of coffee, and 2 free bottles of water, plus a bath I take, turning the water yellow – I’m that dirty!
March 25: Day 196: Until 3 PM, the departure of the bus, I rest on a featherbed with the likes of one I only have at home. I watch the beach and pool scenario but do not partake in any summer activity. Instead I revise Z, a screenplay about 4 super-heroes and 1 villain, and start a new novel, “Last of the Mohicans;” reading also on the suffocating, noisy, and rattling, bus ride!
March 26: Day 197: I arrive at class late with a taxi-driver in his 80’s, pondering what the Hell that must be like. At home, I deal with a blown fuse that had been blown and then type in 8 pages of revised notes and revise 8 more, of the first novel I’ve ever written, “Monte Carlo.”
March 27: Day 198: I walk to class buying 8 snickers, giving one away to the guard at the main entrance. I eat all 8 today.
March 28: Day 199: During class, I was not called on once – however my linguistic skills in Arabic are rapidly blooming. After class, I stop at True Value for a light bulb, but they don’t have light bulbs, only illaib (“toys”). I talk on the phone for an hour with a princess, not literally, named Limar, and then print out the third novel I’ve ever written, “Why Marry The Muslim.” (I think I’m ready to revise it.)
March 29: Day 200: I did not go to school because of an eclipse and also there is a Women’s Right Lecture during class, so instead I do hmwk., revise my 13th screenplay, A Mosquito Called Kupid and A Pig Named Passion, watch Amityville Horror “entertaining”, and listen to my cousin and his 2 friends, Marco and Hazem, strum the guitars for about 2 hours.
March 30: Day 201: In the morning I suffer an atrocious stomach-ache. I am convinced my “looney-bin” Aunt poured corn oil in my whiskey, and puts hairs in each of my meals she serves me, and puts crumbs on my floor; her left hand and left leg from the needle of a vaccine shot had hit the wrong nerve, crippling her, so she is sharing a little of that pain – as unfortunate as it is, for me.
March 31: Day 202: In the morning, I chug a Red Bull to help me type in notes from the books: “Crime And Punishment,” “The Stranger,” “The Prophet,” and “Lolita;” in the afternoon, I read an Arabic adventure story about gorilla’s with my Uncle. In the evening I watch gray clouds drift among the metallic blue upside down and chat with my mother. Also for the first time I successfully went through the day wearing sunglasses and not meeting the eyes of a woman who I feel take my manhood through a single glance.
April 1: Day 203: I vacate to my Uncle Fuad’s home. It is his birthday. I colored with my younger cousin and complained about leaving his gift in my closet; I also eat lasagna, and studied Arabic nouns.
April 2: Day 204: I travel to school, falling asleep in class 3 times.
April 3: Day 205: I miss school, since upon waking at 8:11 AM, the notion of going back to sleep was so gratifying that I fell asleep before returning to my bed; I wake up later on at noon, drink red bull and eat tomato chips shaped like fries then study Arabic verbs. I go over my notes with Dareen.
April 4: Day 206: I had my first, of 3, Arabic exams that included verb conjugations, writing Arabic sentences in past, present, and imperative, and exchanging verb sentences with noun sentences and vice versa; during the night I study with my Aunt Diana over 5 lessons of Arabic words and their English meaning.
April 5: Day 207: I had my 2nd exam, that included the synonyms, writing a short story in Arabic, writing a short story on the difficulties of Arabic school, and opposites. During the night I study with close to 30 Arabic words and their English meaning; I also revised about 45 pages of the middle of my fifth novel, and ate rolled cabbage.
April 6: Day 208: I had my third exam, that includes putting words in order to form sentences, definitions for advanced words, and filling in the blank; afterwards, I stayed in class to revise forty pages of “Why Marry The Muslim,” and then got drunk, watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and talked to my mom, twice, and then traveled Amman stopping at the famous Blue Fig, meeting with my cousin, Diane, and 5 of her friends (one of them was a guy).
April 7: Day 209: Went shopping and spent 50 dinars, buying pumpkin and watermelon seeds for the living room, and revised about 50 pages.
April 8: Day 210: I finished revising another novel, “Why Marry The Muslim,” on paper, now I have to finish typing in the revisions. Also today I watched the end of Summer of Sam with my cousin, ate sardine in mustard sauce along with wheat apple bars dipped in peanut butter.
April 9: Day 211: I finished revising the document, “Why Marry The Muslim.” Also today I conjure plans to go to America for 5 days as well as Easter, and I also did some studying with my cousin Sara over around 40 Arabic words and listened her to stories whilst printing out another novel to revise, “Guilt of Ramzy: A Writer’s Guide To Becoming A Writer.”
April 10: Day 212: In class, I gave a speech to the class about a day in my life; afterwards, I meet with 2 girls whom my cousin is acquainted with – Anude and Haneen. They were gorgeous, and I think I impressed them, to say the least! And then in the evening, I begin work on a screenplay based on the novel “Sophie’s World.”
April 11: Day 213: I had the day off, for some reason – something to do with the Prophet Mohammad – so my cousin and I hung out as he edited Arabic songs that he had invented lyrics for, whereas I work further on my 14th screenplay, “The Nervous Person.”
April 12: Day 214: I go to school, wearing a sweater in boiling hot weather which I deeply regret; after class my Uncle drives me to the 7th circle to drop off suitcases, because in the morrow I am going to America [for Easter].
April 13: Day 215: I drink my coffee and pack the last of my belongings; I am not even bringing clothes, just books I have read; most of it is Arabic goods for my family!” and then at 9:45 AM my cousin takes me to the Royal Jordanian airport. I depart at 11:45 AM get into America 11:45 PM, which, because of the time difference, is actually 3:45 PM.
April 14: Day 216: The first morning in my visit to America, I notice the comfort of being home, and make breakfast for my brother and his wife, and then for me and my dad; in the afternoon, I study Arabic and unpack, and go to a bar, “Blarney Stone,” realizing the main difference in the bar scenario in America compared to the Middle East, is how much more loose the people are.
April 15: Day 217: Today, I take my mother’s van to Staples, Starbucks, and Best Buy; in the afternoon, I print, then in the evening, I travel to “Sam Maguire’s,” and then call my Aunt D in Amman at midnight.
April 16: Day 218: For Easter, I go to my grandma’s and help her with the dishes but she refuted me to do all of them; I talk Arabic with my grandparents, and visit with my Uncle Zaid, and then drive home with my Uncle Yanal, eat dinner with more family, and lose $20 in Texas Hold ‘Em.
April 17: Day 219: In the morning, I travel with my sister and her boyfriend to the airport. We travel to Pittsburgh, getting a feel for the place with a bus-ride, then occupying a single in the Quality Inn, watching TV and taking care of notes that I have underlined in the novel, “The Last of the Mohicans.”
April 18: Day 220: In the morning, we travel to Pittsburgh airport and fly back to Midway. My dad picks me up, spilling coffee all over his car which I have to clean up, and in the evening I organize a box of my stuff and then spend the night at my brother’s home, taking down my first peanut butter milkshake.
April 19: Day 221: In the morning, me, my brother and his wife all separate and go to work: my brother’s wife at an insurance company, my brother doing accounting and business management, and me, writing and reading “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” I get off at 5 PM with my brother, eat fish with my parents, sit with them, pack with my mom, study Arabic with my mom, and then go to sleep.
April 20: Day 222: In the morning, I organize boxes that I had had boxed up, throwing away about 4 “garbage can” loads and then type notes that I have in the book, “Last of the Mohicans,” and revise my 14th screenplay The Nervous Person; at 10 PM I take an airplane back to the Mid East.
April 21: Day 223: On the airplane, unbeknownst to my prescience, there was a distant family member in front of me, to the side of me, and opposite me; thus the plane ride went well, yet when I get to Amman, my cousin had to wait an hour for me although he was perfectly on time. Then on the ride home I have a full cigar, and then unpack and give my grandma what she had waiting for her.
April 22: Day 224: From 2 AM to 6 AM, I go through a hundred CD’s only keeping the songs without drums, and throw the rest away; at 2 PM when my cousin wakes me up, we travel to Starbucks until nine in the evening, and then take a taxi home to color eggs for Easter.
April 23: Day 225: I consume KFC and go to Starbucks for 3 hours, trying a new drink, “banana cream.”
April 24: Day 226: I awake at noon to my cousin Alex making a whole lotta racket, I awake and study with his sister and his mom, watch a scene of Gone In 60 Seconds as well as the movie, Dead Poet’s Society, and later, I attend mass, and then study again with this kid Ahmed; also, around this time, I traveled to the Balcony to do some typing.
April 25: Day 227: Went to class, hit on my teacher, and in the second half of class, I was not called on once and realized how much I like that, following on the car ride home, I thought of writing a book on how it’d be to encounter a famous person; in the evening I stand up and type notes as well as write a speech on a cause that I defend, which is the film, Fight Club!
April 26: Day 228: Amidst class, I was shot 2 looks that keep flashing in my mind’s eye – the way these 2 girls looked at me, brings the virility of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or a husband/wife marriage. After class, I sleep after drinking coffee and then am awaken in the deepest state of REM. I was in a shock that took me 5 minutes to realize what day and time it was, and reorganize my in-the-moment schedule. I also typed all of my notes I had underlined in “Last of the Mohicans”.
April 27: Day 229: First day not washing my face in the morning; class is nothing short of boring and afterwards, my cousin and I go to a bar called Champions where I drink 4 Heinekens, give this guy heartfelt advice on the mannerisms of women (instead of his hasty plea to use roofie’s on ‘em) and also hit on a girl, Rand, who I haven’t seen in 4 months, and in this timely period, she has gained fifteen pounds – yet the friendship is just as solid.
April 28: Day 230: I take a taxi-cab to my Aunt and Uncle, yet am dropped off at the wrong place and have to run into 2 different directions before I find their apartment; after an hour, my Uncle and I attend a funeral. Women are not allowed at funerals, I think because they cry, or something. Afterwards we travel to his wife’s brother’s home to visit; I love his family of 3 girls, a baby, and an amorous wife, because they take the place of the love that a girlfriend would provide.
April 29: Day 231: I awake at 6:30 AM to do the dishes, eat a chocolate bunny, and read 20 pages in Uncle Tom’s cabin, then fall asleep and when I wake up at noon I babysit my baby cousin, only to let him fall on his face and cry with monstrosity! From the afternoon into the evening I attend a BBQ and the hour leading up at midnight, I spend with my neighbor: a random beautiful Russian girl named Donall.
April 30: Day 232: No school today due to Labor Day; around noon I break my bed so I go back to the 2 Russian girls to help me mantle it and then I go to the barber shop with my cousin as I look over and highlight wikipedia.com articles over Molotov Cocktails, Gazelle, and Snapping Turtle and later I spend the evening at Starbucks.
May 1: Day 233: Only at the break of dawn do I sleep for 2 hours – otherwise I write. At 8 AM, I attend class, the teacher with the pretty voice again and another teacher with a suit on with one button. Afterwards I take a power nap and hitch a taxi-ride to Starbucks until night, reading “Underwater Paradise” and revising a few documents in order for me to print them and then put ‘em in the recycling bin.
May 2: Day 234: Go to class, waiting for the chance to speak and blossom conversation with a Swedish girl with big breasts, but that’s not my reasoning for wanting to talk with her, yet it doesn’t work out for me, realizing that it is better for her. In the afternoon, I sleep, venture to Starbucks, type notes, read “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” and do a whole bunch of Arabic homework.
May 3: Day 235: At class, this girl from Sweden, her body language, is annoying to me, yet after enduring it, I buy a Victor Hugo book, and then travel straight to Starbucks, after a fight with a taxi-driver about the price of a meter that was never turned on in the first place; then at 9 PM, I write a speech on Jerusalem with my Uncle Suhail.
May 4: Day 236: The last day of school this week, I actually leave class feeling unsatisfied; anyhow, I go home, read “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” sleep, go to my Aunt and Uncle, read “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” play with my baby cousin, Issa, and then type in 20 pages of notes out on the verandah with my cousin Diane.
May 5: Day 237: I read “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” and type in notes, at Starbucks, occupied by Muslim men, and 3 Muslim women; beforehand I played Winning Eleven – a soccer game for Play Station 2.
May 6: Day 238: I revise half of my new book, “This Guy Who Didn’t Shower For A Year,” when I was talked into going with my Aunt and Uncle on a picnic; at night, on the way home, my Uncle said the only way for me to live until I am 90, like his Father-in-law, is to “… not drink and smoke.”
May 7: Day 239: I go to class, evaluate new students, greet the teachers and the advisor, pay for a trip to Wadi Rum, fall asleep in class, and even so, my purpose is succeeded. Afterwards, I power nap, drink coffee, and finish “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” “hallulejiah”.
May 8: Day 240: At class, I sit next to one of the 3 who succeeded to the 3rd level from the preceding level – unfortunately, the only agreement we share is that I forgot to put on deodorant. After class, I visit my aunt at a university building, power nap and then I type in notes from “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” meanwhile starting a new wilderness novel, “Dances with Wolves.” So far, so good! Snack on a bag full of delicious watermelon seeds.
May 9: Day 241: I go to class, which seems to make me very happy – maybe it’s the teacher, the students, or my level of participation, I don’t know; after class I meet my cousin Diane for coffee, and then she helps me shop and then I visit her home, typing notes and reading the Kevin Costner screenplay, Dances With Wolves.
May 11: Day 242: Last day of class this week; I spend all afternoon in Starbucks, and the evening I am going to the 19th birthday party of my cousin Basel. He has rented out a place and invited my cousin Diane, along with her best friend, and about twenty of his high school friends, including his girlfriend, Susu, whom is nice to look at.
May 12: Day 243: At 8:30 AM I am due at school in order to get a seat on a bus to Wadi Rum. Here, I absorb the desert, and enjoy my time here (considering it is my 23rd birthday), standing by the sunset, riding a camel, smoking a Hubana, talking to Mom and Dad, drinking 3 cups of Lipton tea, watching others mingle, playing Euchre with 2 Spanish girl, Linda and Sara (God have mercy), and then drinking beer until I fall asleep inside of an arbor home.
May 13: Day 244: It is like deja vu as I relive the memories of Wadi Rum, and also today, coincidentally, I finish “Dances With Wolves” which is a splendid novel about a man’s journey into the very accepting unknown then, afterwards, in the afternoon, I get 3 bloody noses “due to the dryness of the desert” but not before the great end of the school trip taking an hour jeep ride; I spend the evening at Starbucks.
May 14: Day 245: At school, I founded a trus2rthy relationship with an incorrigible teacher, and then this sexy girl, Caroline. Although I noticed one of her down traits; gave me a very quick, submissive, and unforgettable, glance of her eyes. Eyes which are like those on a newborn baby. During the break I look for the girls I played Euchre with and see one of them, Linda; and then after class, I stay in my bedroom reading this new book, “Jesus Freaks.”
May 15: Day 246: My teacher complimented me on my Arabic language skills. The afternoon, I spend with my cousin, Elizabeth, whom is 7 months pregnant, and then go to pray for my godmother, Moona, whom has passed away from MS (Multiple Sclerosis).
May 16: Day 247: In class, we debate over the controversy of the church, the world, and the Da Vinci Code, in which I even was sharply put in abject by a very smart French girl. Anyhow, afterwards, I see my neighbor, Donna, drink 2 giant cups of coffee at home, and completely revise “This Guy Who Didn’t Shower For A Year” which is now up to 183 pages.
May 17: Day 248: During the first part of class I talk in Arabic about family member’s names, my hobby, any ambition that I have, and my country. During the 2nd part of class I watch one of my classmates read a story in Arabic in front of 400 people. My favorite was a poem about women called, “Divinity of a Dream;” in the afternoon, I nap, and am studied in grammar by Dareen.
May 18: Day 249: My 22nd Easter went nicely. I attend class, literally blew off this girl who I think likes me named Hala, read some more in “Jesus Freaks,” and then type for a few hours, after taking a power nap in the midst of construction still going on around my house as well as a slave in my home, who is enraged by slavery, and takes it out on her cleaning supplies. Hopefully one day I get a wish granted consisting of me shooting her in the face with a Remington.
May 19: Day 250: I sleep until 9 AM, drain the glass of whiskey from the preceding night, and then type notes and revisions into my computer until a B-B-Q is made by Aunt Diana and Uncle Suhail. In the evening, I watch Mission: Fashion 2006.
May 20: Day 251: I revise the first 60 pages of “Guilt of Ramzy: A Writer’s Guide Into Becoming A Writer;” in the afternoon, I discover the game, “Resident Evil 4,” for Playstation 2, but only play so much of it because my cousin asks me to keep him company at the radio station he works in.
May 21: Day 252: I go to class an hour early just for the sake of sunlight and, amidst class, a Swedish girl I have tried to get notice me, looked the most beautiful at class. Anyway, I played Play Station 2, Resident Evil 4, and afterwards, my 7 year-old cousin, Carol, helped me study about the Arabic language and then in the evening, I participated in keeping my cousin company again, at his work whilst revising a novel, throughout the shift!
May 22: Day 253: The class wrote a story in Arabic and read it aloud and then during break I stepped outside for the daily PB & J when I was struck with thirty cleavage shots, not from the breast, but from the behind, of both male and female. In the evening, I played Resident Evil 4 and took a drive with my cousin and our young neighbor, Saliba.
May 23: Day 254: Class is nearly empty this morning. In the afternoon, I email my mother, father and best friend, Brendan Howard while keeping my cousin busy at his work at the radio station; I also finish the novel, “Jesus Freaks,” and begin to type the notes.
May 24: Day 255: I have the day off in the name of Independence Day “Eed Isteklaal.” In the evening I type notes for a few hours whilst downloading Bram Stroker’s Dracula from the internet and then spend 83 dollars, celebrating my cousin Diane’s 18th Birthday at a bar called HotShots and I didn’t even get drunk!
May 25: Day 256: In the morning, it is so hot that my computer overheats. Nevertheless, sporadically I spend time on my computer, as well as performing other activities, such as making ice coffee, to steer my thoughts away on how hot the day is!
May 26: Day 257: I spend time outside amidst the breezy weather typing in revisions to “Guilt of Ramzy.” I also spend time playing Resident Evil 4, taking a practice exam for my Arabic Level 3 test tomorrow, and with a pen in hand, revising my dream diary at Starbucks and a chapter in Guilt of Ramzy.
May 27: Day 258: After finishing my first final, I come home, eat lunch, and play Resident Evil 4. I revise the dream diary of Guilt of Ramzy and then pick up some 40 OZ beers and get drunk with my cousin Linda!
May 28: Day 259: Today I had finals number 2 and 3, consisting of an exam with advanced words from the Arabic language, as well as writing a story with 2 different teachers. Afterwards, I take a taxi straight to Starbucks and then in the evening I watch the disturbing film, United 93.
May 29: Day 260: In the morning, I take a jog to a nearby supermarket, Reem, to buy milk and then I jog to a nearby cinema to watch X-Men 3: The Last Stand which made me happy to a point that is hard to express in patience with enough words.
May 30: Day 261: In the morning, I finish my White Russian from the previous night! Astounded by the chirping of birds, I take a taxi-cab to Starbucks until 5 PM, where 2 girls approach me and ask me if, “I need help.” At 5 PM, I watch Mission: Impossible 3 with my 2 cousins from Fuheis; from 8 to midnight, I celebrate the first birthday of my cousin Issa drinking a few beers and chatting with the fam.
May 31: Day 262: Amidst typing in my revisions, I run into 4 errors which drive me completely mad; otherwise, I conquer the Play-station 2 game, Resident Evil 4, and also, in the evening, chat with my sister for 35 minutes.
June 1: Day 263: I eat a whole lot of fish with the family of my mother’s sister, downstairs; I start a second Play-station 2 game, Silent Hill: The Room. And then after getting drunk and passing out, I go to Starbucks to resuscitate my debilitated nerves with some good ol’ caffeine.
June 2: Day 264: I’m driven to the cinema at 8 AM, in which til 10 AM, I revise thirty pages in “Guilt of Ramzy,” when I take a taxi to Starbucks for an hour, so at 11 AM I could watch Failure to Launch, and then Poseidon, directly afterwards; in the evening I read this novel, “Death of Adam.”
June 3: Day 265: In the afternoon, I take a taxi to Starbucks, taking a double shot of Expresso, allowing me to revise 30 pages of Guilt of Ramzy. At 8 PM, I go to the cinema.